Can't believe it!

Turned 60 today. Wow, still think like I am 18, and wondering where it all went, and how I got from there to here without paying closer attention. It all seemed to pass by at lightening speed and I honestly resent having missed out on my own existence as it were.

My adult life has been such a drag .... so much bad to deal with, so much pain and anguish. But, I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I sure do wish however that something good would happen so the remainder of my life isn't such a waste.

Anyway, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Michael, happy birthday to me. And Many More!!!!!!!

Why am I here?

Have been thinking all day about my life, and have concluded that perhaps the reason life has passed so fast is because I allowed myself to be unaware of its impassioned, frantic existence all around me. And then, just as I was about to pat myself on the back for my intellectual prowess ... bammmmmm, something wicked punched me in the nose.

I hadn't had a halleluia moment at all .. nor had I come to some great crossroad of principled thought. I began to be more grievously perturbed, confused, bewildered, and depressed. What if this truly is what it is, and there is no more? Then (remembering briefly a joke someone once had sent) I smiled, laughed, became amused thinking that perhaps "the hokey pokey REALLY is what it is all about!"

Isn't self a terrible, terrible thing? The perception of the world is so trite and self-serving for us all is it not? We begin to believe that OUR intellect and grasp of all things worldly and unworldly for that matter is correct and superior to the belief and at the expense of, all others around us with whom we come into contact.

Human conceit is what causes all of our great personal loss I believe. Were I able to diminish my perception of myself, perhaps I would better understand the position of those around me and finally come to a caramba moment in my personal growth. Learning to put self behind others and consider others prior to self is the task at hand for us all.

We are given so much time to accomplish the task. Few of us truly grasp the concept, or accomplish it. We are not conditioned or equipped to think after all. Thought too is learned. How we think, what we think, and how we react to our thought is taught to us by parents diminished by their own misperception of the world they inherited from their parents, and on, and on, and on, and on. And so it goes and WE grow to be adults and teach the nightmarish habit to our children.

Were I to be given a second chance at life, I would try harder, but most likely the result would be much as it is. I am a stubborn man after all, and at my age change comes slow. But ...... I sure do detest what I am and would like to change so badly. Time, not enough time to relearn everything. I want to think better thoughts, do better things, love more deeply, feel more passionately, speak more softly, hear with more clarity, see with better perception, but time is running out and I fear my clock will cease ticking before I condition myself to THINK as I should, and be as I want to be.

Later!

Sunday

Woke up today to the sound of the phone ringing. It was my brother Kelly, and I didn't wake in time to answer, so I will make it a point to call him later. I am thinking about making a road trip to Superior, but am waiting to see what Sugarbooger is going to do about her job, as I want someone to go with me.

Not much to report today really, but I am getting more optimistic about the chance that Obama might actually win this election. I hope and pray that he does, because we really need to get to the bottom of what Bush actually did while in office, and if McCain is elected, I am fairly certain the country will never know how evil that man actually is.

Some advice.

Purely by accident, I ran across a website that is similar to mine. The person who authored the site has some incredible things to say, is a wonderful writer, poet, and has a great depth of character. I have never done this before, but I kind of assume if you have found my site and actually are reading this, that perhaps you would be interested in his site as well. So, I heartily recommend that you check out:

http://elroy.net/

later

Just a little update.

I got an email from someone asking me how to comment on my blog. I responded with information explaining how that was done, but also informed her that it was my intent to discontinue my website once my current subscription is finished due to the cost.

It really makes little sense to do something that no-one is going to use anyway does it? I stopped doing updates a long time ago too because of the work involved with maintaining a site. I wish this weren't the case, but I think people are just too busy with their own lives to add one more distraction to the mix. And, isn't surfing the net just one more distraction?

I suspect women are more apt to be distracted by the internet than men, but I could be wrong about that. We men have a lot of other things to distract us ... football, hockey, baseball, NasCar ... diversions from reality, all.

Sad that so much importance is placed on the unimportant. Right now the world and especially the USA is in a lot of trouble, and yet the general population appears ignorant of that which is happening right under their noses and in full view. If people would just open their eyes to the nitemare taking place, perhaps the human race could save itself. Instead, most seem content to just kick back, turn on the tube, grab a cold one, and turn off their ability to think. That is exactly how we ended up with Bush, McCain, and crew, and that is exactly how we are going to lose the democratic republic we all still believe exists. Unfortunately, but undeniable this Constitutional government is slowly slipping away, and the population is standing idly by while Rome burns.

Sad. I wish I could change it and wake people up. But, the brainwashing has been completed on most, and the liklihood of turning back the clock to the days where people actually thought about the issues pragmatically are long gone. I don't imagine a beautiful world for my grandchildren, and boy do I feel guilty about that. Ours is the first generation that is handing a worse world over to our children than the one we enjoyed the day we were born. But, the real damage done by MY generation won't be fully realized until our grandchildren are adults. They will not have anything resembling a fair shake or chance, regardless of how hard they work.

I hope I am wrong. I hope I am wrong.

Later, dudes and dudettes.

Haven't done this for a while. Is anyone out there interested in me continuing to do this? If so, please comment so I know it is worth my while. Thanks.

don't have much to report. That is a fact, Jack. But when I consider the events going on around the world, it makes me want to write. I think this is one good way to deal with your frustration. I do consider (know) that my blog is not read by anyone other than Bush's team of brownshirts whose sole responsibility is to identify those Americans most in disagreement with the President, and therefore the most unloyak so then can come into my home and take an illegal look around.

I say, come on down boys and girls, to my knowlege I have nothing to hide, don't have porn even to give them something to watch whilst they eat milk and cookies that I will begin leaving out each evenin whn I am getting ready for bed. Speaking of PORN, I can't believe that I spent my entire life without seeing Behind the Green Door and Debbie Does Dallas. There are probably others that would have provided me with a modicum orf education in the area of sexual prowess. But, walking into aa Adult Book Store is an aberration to me so the odds of me ever seeing those films (?) will most likely ever happen unless of course someone at the class reunion is going to us them as an ice breaker ... I think that is a good idea ... we could all fall naked into a pile and see who grabs a gun first. I hope it is a 22, that would be better for all concerned ... small caliber provides a better chance of survival.

Before I got sick, I repaired computers on the side, and also built new ones for sale. Now, due to the fight required to beat cancer, I don't even get on my own very often as I can't think when I am in so much pain, Perhaps it was God telling me to slow the f3&* down before my heart attaciked me. No matter what the reasoning, I had four (4) heart attacks. Two while I was undergoing treatment for cancer, and one immediately BEFORE, and ONE (a really bad boy) AFTER!

I have decided that I will not have another. I have lost 100 pounds and that should be enough to protect my inner damn self don't you think>

Later dudes and dudettes