The lunatic has cancer

Back from Fargo, and the lesion was cancer.

Doctor says he was able to get it all, so now I have a hole in my head literally, although it is stitched shut so I am not oozing grey matter onto my right ear which makes listening much much easier. All I have to say is thank god for catgut, or whatever synthetic they currently use to suture the as it were back into the as it should be realm.

As luck would have it, following my medical adventure, sugarbooger and I went to Perkins to eat and once done, my trusty steed would not turn on. Thankfully, I called my Verizon auto protection (similar to AAA) on my brand new handy dandy cell phone. The company that jumped my steed showed up in three to four minutes literally as my luck was still holding and they were located less than 74 feet 6 and 3/8ths inches from Perkins (they were right next door). The wrecker driver took one look at my battery cable, took out his handy dandy super sized screwdriver and a brush, cleaned the positive post, gave it exactly 5 healthy raps with the handle of said screwdriver and asked me to turn her over. Purred like a kitten ... ahhhh, nothing more pleasant than an ending such as this I said to myself, and sugarbooger and I drove blissfully towards the setting sun.

Sugarbooger, however, had her widdle heart set on doing some big city shoppin' at Geblunkers, or was it Gedankxzs, or Gebauers ... ah hell, it was a Pier 1 clone Gesomething ... old man memory aint all that grand at 1:30am. I being the understanding Cosmopolitan reading, Young and Useless watching, feminist leaning, pro-choicer I am, I pulled into said clones parking lot and followed her into the store. Once our hour and precisely three minutes and 37 seconds of shopping were done which by the way produced absolutely no purchases what-so-ever, my truck would not start.

Hummmmm thought I to myself, I am really fucked now, as sugarbooger looked at me in that special way telling me she had just about had enough of my brand of stupid. Attempting to be da man, I popped the hood confidently and tried in vain to convince her that I knew precisely how to rectify this latest difficulty. I took my keys (the only tools I have in my truck by the way) and using my house key, began prying and scraping the offending positive cable to try and coax it to please, please, PLEASE cut me some god damned slack and start my damned truck. Of course, this was wasted effort as I had no way to jump start my engine. Well, well, well, what a predicament ... nothing left to do but to call my Verizon auto protection a second time (did I mention they are similar to AAA?)! This time however, it took them quite a bit longer to come to my aid as sugarbooger and I had traveled a piece from their place of business right next door to Perkins. Once the wrecker got there with a new "technician", who listened intently to my story, and then grabbed a wrecking bar, and began pounding my starter with it like a crazed carnie driving tent stakes. This action on his part caused my blood pressure to go up sufficiently that the hole in my head sprung a huge leak and I began shooting spurts of blood right through the gauze taped over said hole. Sugarbooger being the quick thinker that she is grabbed a wad of napkins purloined over the years out of my glove box and began applying pressure over the sprung leak. Even though I was now beginning to realize my luck was well, NOT SO GOOD, the truck did start.

Sugarbooger suggested we return post haste to Dr. Tsen to have my head examined. Due to the amount of blood involved, I agreed, and on the 4 and 7/10ths mile trip across town to the cancer center, we deduced that perhaps it would not be too wise to turn the truck off. Sugarbooger agreed to stay with the truck whilst I went into the doctors office to get restitched and rewrapped. I must have looked a sight to the nurses, as they wasted no time getting me in an examination room and getting the doctor. My best conservative estimate is that it was in the neighborhood of 3 minutes 13 and a half seconds from the time I arrived at the nurses station to when the doctor was pulling the tape off my head to view the hole much with the same vigor as a 17 year old removing his girlfriends panties for the same reason. Luckily, the sutures had held and with the correct pressure applied to the correct spot, the doctor stopped the bleed and applied a wad of gauze. To be safe, the doctor decided to apply extra wraps this time, so I left his office looking a lot like a mummy, except my eyes were intact and not yet rotted out. He did however have the wrap completely covering both ears making wearing glasses very, very difficult.

It goes without saying that sugarbooger wanted to get on the road back to Mandan immediately. I concurred but we still had a small problem ... we needed gas. Being the macho man now, I insisted that I could still though somewhat wounded, fill up the truck. Got some strange looks from the people (fellow patrons) at the gas station, and a very strange look from the cashier who asked me what had happened. I told him I had had brain surgery and that they had found nothing, paid the bill, and walked out.

Made it back to Mandan with no further problems.

Can't believe it!

Turned 60 today. Wow, still think like I am 18, and wondering where it all went, and how I got from there to here without paying closer attention. It all seemed to pass by at lightening speed and I honestly resent having missed out on my own existence as it were.

My adult life has been such a drag .... so much bad to deal with, so much pain and anguish. But, I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I sure do wish however that something good would happen so the remainder of my life isn't such a waste.

Anyway, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Michael, happy birthday to me. And Many More!!!!!!!

Why am I here?

Have been thinking all day about my life, and have concluded that perhaps the reason life has passed so fast is because I allowed myself to be unaware of its impassioned, frantic existence all around me. And then, just as I was about to pat myself on the back for my intellectual prowess ... bammmmmm, something wicked punched me in the nose.

I hadn't had a halleluia moment at all .. nor had I come to some great crossroad of principled thought. I began to be more grievously perturbed, confused, bewildered, and depressed. What if this truly is what it is, and there is no more? Then (remembering briefly a joke someone once had sent) I smiled, laughed, became amused thinking that perhaps "the hokey pokey REALLY is what it is all about!"

Isn't self a terrible, terrible thing? The perception of the world is so trite and self-serving for us all is it not? We begin to believe that OUR intellect and grasp of all things worldly and unworldly for that matter is correct and superior to the belief and at the expense of, all others around us with whom we come into contact.

Human conceit is what causes all of our great personal loss I believe. Were I able to diminish my perception of myself, perhaps I would better understand the position of those around me and finally come to a caramba moment in my personal growth. Learning to put self behind others and consider others prior to self is the task at hand for us all.

We are given so much time to accomplish the task. Few of us truly grasp the concept, or accomplish it. We are not conditioned or equipped to think after all. Thought too is learned. How we think, what we think, and how we react to our thought is taught to us by parents diminished by their own misperception of the world they inherited from their parents, and on, and on, and on, and on. And so it goes and WE grow to be adults and teach the nightmarish habit to our children.

Were I to be given a second chance at life, I would try harder, but most likely the result would be much as it is. I am a stubborn man after all, and at my age change comes slow. But ...... I sure do detest what I am and would like to change so badly. Time, not enough time to relearn everything. I want to think better thoughts, do better things, love more deeply, feel more passionately, speak more softly, hear with more clarity, see with better perception, but time is running out and I fear my clock will cease ticking before I condition myself to THINK as I should, and be as I want to be.

Later!

Sunday

Woke up today to the sound of the phone ringing. It was my brother Kelly, and I didn't wake in time to answer, so I will make it a point to call him later. I am thinking about making a road trip to Superior, but am waiting to see what Sugarbooger is going to do about her job, as I want someone to go with me.

Not much to report today really, but I am getting more optimistic about the chance that Obama might actually win this election. I hope and pray that he does, because we really need to get to the bottom of what Bush actually did while in office, and if McCain is elected, I am fairly certain the country will never know how evil that man actually is.

Some advice.

Purely by accident, I ran across a website that is similar to mine. The person who authored the site has some incredible things to say, is a wonderful writer, poet, and has a great depth of character. I have never done this before, but I kind of assume if you have found my site and actually are reading this, that perhaps you would be interested in his site as well. So, I heartily recommend that you check out:

http://elroy.net/

later

Just a little update.

I got an email from someone asking me how to comment on my blog. I responded with information explaining how that was done, but also informed her that it was my intent to discontinue my website once my current subscription is finished due to the cost.

It really makes little sense to do something that no-one is going to use anyway does it? I stopped doing updates a long time ago too because of the work involved with maintaining a site. I wish this weren't the case, but I think people are just too busy with their own lives to add one more distraction to the mix. And, isn't surfing the net just one more distraction?

I suspect women are more apt to be distracted by the internet than men, but I could be wrong about that. We men have a lot of other things to distract us ... football, hockey, baseball, NasCar ... diversions from reality, all.

Sad that so much importance is placed on the unimportant. Right now the world and especially the USA is in a lot of trouble, and yet the general population appears ignorant of that which is happening right under their noses and in full view. If people would just open their eyes to the nitemare taking place, perhaps the human race could save itself. Instead, most seem content to just kick back, turn on the tube, grab a cold one, and turn off their ability to think. That is exactly how we ended up with Bush, McCain, and crew, and that is exactly how we are going to lose the democratic republic we all still believe exists. Unfortunately, but undeniable this Constitutional government is slowly slipping away, and the population is standing idly by while Rome burns.

Sad. I wish I could change it and wake people up. But, the brainwashing has been completed on most, and the liklihood of turning back the clock to the days where people actually thought about the issues pragmatically are long gone. I don't imagine a beautiful world for my grandchildren, and boy do I feel guilty about that. Ours is the first generation that is handing a worse world over to our children than the one we enjoyed the day we were born. But, the real damage done by MY generation won't be fully realized until our grandchildren are adults. They will not have anything resembling a fair shake or chance, regardless of how hard they work.

I hope I am wrong. I hope I am wrong.

Later, dudes and dudettes.

Haven't done this for a while. Is anyone out there interested in me continuing to do this? If so, please comment so I know it is worth my while. Thanks.