Why am I here?
Have been thinking all day about my life, and have concluded that perhaps the reason life has passed so fast is because I allowed myself to be unaware of its impassioned, frantic existence all around me. And then, just as I was about to pat myself on the back for my intellectual prowess ... bammmmmm, something wicked punched me in the nose.
I hadn't had a halleluia moment at all .. nor had I come to some great crossroad of principled thought. I began to be more grievously perturbed, confused, bewildered, and depressed. What if this truly is what it is, and there is no more? Then (remembering briefly a joke someone once had sent) I smiled, laughed, became amused thinking that perhaps "the hokey pokey REALLY is what it is all about!"
Isn't self a terrible, terrible thing? The perception of the world is so trite and self-serving for us all is it not? We begin to believe that OUR intellect and grasp of all things worldly and unworldly for that matter is correct and superior to the belief and at the expense of, all others around us with whom we come into contact.
Human conceit is what causes all of our great personal loss I believe. Were I able to diminish my perception of myself, perhaps I would better understand the position of those around me and finally come to a caramba moment in my personal growth. Learning to put self behind others and consider others prior to self is the task at hand for us all.
We are given so much time to accomplish the task. Few of us truly grasp the concept, or accomplish it. We are not conditioned or equipped to think after all. Thought too is learned. How we think, what we think, and how we react to our thought is taught to us by parents diminished by their own misperception of the world they inherited from their parents, and on, and on, and on, and on. And so it goes and WE grow to be adults and teach the nightmarish habit to our children.
Were I to be given a second chance at life, I would try harder, but most likely the result would be much as it is. I am a stubborn man after all, and at my age change comes slow. But ...... I sure do detest what I am and would like to change so badly. Time, not enough time to relearn everything. I want to think better thoughts, do better things, love more deeply, feel more passionately, speak more softly, hear with more clarity, see with better perception, but time is running out and I fear my clock will cease ticking before I condition myself to THINK as I should, and be as I want to be.
Later!
I hadn't had a halleluia moment at all .. nor had I come to some great crossroad of principled thought. I began to be more grievously perturbed, confused, bewildered, and depressed. What if this truly is what it is, and there is no more? Then (remembering briefly a joke someone once had sent) I smiled, laughed, became amused thinking that perhaps "the hokey pokey REALLY is what it is all about!"
Isn't self a terrible, terrible thing? The perception of the world is so trite and self-serving for us all is it not? We begin to believe that OUR intellect and grasp of all things worldly and unworldly for that matter is correct and superior to the belief and at the expense of, all others around us with whom we come into contact.
Human conceit is what causes all of our great personal loss I believe. Were I able to diminish my perception of myself, perhaps I would better understand the position of those around me and finally come to a caramba moment in my personal growth. Learning to put self behind others and consider others prior to self is the task at hand for us all.
We are given so much time to accomplish the task. Few of us truly grasp the concept, or accomplish it. We are not conditioned or equipped to think after all. Thought too is learned. How we think, what we think, and how we react to our thought is taught to us by parents diminished by their own misperception of the world they inherited from their parents, and on, and on, and on, and on. And so it goes and WE grow to be adults and teach the nightmarish habit to our children.
Were I to be given a second chance at life, I would try harder, but most likely the result would be much as it is. I am a stubborn man after all, and at my age change comes slow. But ...... I sure do detest what I am and would like to change so badly. Time, not enough time to relearn everything. I want to think better thoughts, do better things, love more deeply, feel more passionately, speak more softly, hear with more clarity, see with better perception, but time is running out and I fear my clock will cease ticking before I condition myself to THINK as I should, and be as I want to be.
Later!
posted by webegeeks | 12:37 AM
1 Comments:
Wish I had read this sooner so that I could have told you months ago that I am thankful for having you as a parent, that I am thankful that atleast part of your way of thinking has rubbed off on me. I can only hope that I am half the parent that you were. We both found ourselves in the difficult position of having to be both mother and father, I'm not sure how you did it. Just want you to know that you are the best father I could ever have hoped for and I love you. I'm sorry if I haven't told you that enough.
I Love You!
~Kelley~
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