A Dark Side
A Montana Reject and Proud Raving Lunatic
Have you ever considered the world as it really is, and your place in it? Sometimes we forget just how fragile this all is and how fragile we really are.
Tonight I am really inside myself; something is going on very deep within that I can’t explain. I only know for certain that it is good for me even though it is making me a little uncomfortable. I am currently battling a serious depression, fighting constant pain, and dealing with a lack of adequate sleep … so this additional burden is unwelcome.
Even though I have at various times in my life contemplated ending it all, I sincerely do not understand the violence of suicide. Life is so damn precious … I learned that the hard way, trust me … when you are struggling for breath and having difficulty just breathing, life all comes in focus, and you fight its desire to escape from you.
I don’t believe that "Life" is the natural state of things in the universe. I believe the natural state of matter is to be unconfined. Therefore, one way to define life is that it is the confinement of matter in an unnatural state. If we accept that all matter is made up of atoms, then we must accept that we are truly miraculous abnormalities.
With the passage of time … all things end! All things, including life. One day, the Earth will be a cold, dark and dead place … and that will be a return to natural order. So death for us is a return to the natural order of things also. I wish I could come to grips with the idea that dying would be nature’s way of freeing me from an unnatural state.
Why is it that we cling so passionately to those things that want to rid themselves of us the most? This is the paradox of my life, and the part of my being that has been the most troubling to me. The less people in my life wanted me, the more I wanted to please them. This is an abomination, a curse if you will upon my right to be free of torment. I never have understood that part of ME! When I analyze it through the prism of my experience of fighting cancer, however it begins to make a little more sense to me. Life doesn’t want us either, it truly wants to escape the confinement of our physical being and return to the natural state of randomness.
Perhaps tomorrow I will be less morbid.
Later!
Have you ever considered the world as it really is, and your place in it? Sometimes we forget just how fragile this all is and how fragile we really are.
Tonight I am really inside myself; something is going on very deep within that I can’t explain. I only know for certain that it is good for me even though it is making me a little uncomfortable. I am currently battling a serious depression, fighting constant pain, and dealing with a lack of adequate sleep … so this additional burden is unwelcome.
Even though I have at various times in my life contemplated ending it all, I sincerely do not understand the violence of suicide. Life is so damn precious … I learned that the hard way, trust me … when you are struggling for breath and having difficulty just breathing, life all comes in focus, and you fight its desire to escape from you.
I don’t believe that "Life" is the natural state of things in the universe. I believe the natural state of matter is to be unconfined. Therefore, one way to define life is that it is the confinement of matter in an unnatural state. If we accept that all matter is made up of atoms, then we must accept that we are truly miraculous abnormalities.
With the passage of time … all things end! All things, including life. One day, the Earth will be a cold, dark and dead place … and that will be a return to natural order. So death for us is a return to the natural order of things also. I wish I could come to grips with the idea that dying would be nature’s way of freeing me from an unnatural state.
Why is it that we cling so passionately to those things that want to rid themselves of us the most? This is the paradox of my life, and the part of my being that has been the most troubling to me. The less people in my life wanted me, the more I wanted to please them. This is an abomination, a curse if you will upon my right to be free of torment. I never have understood that part of ME! When I analyze it through the prism of my experience of fighting cancer, however it begins to make a little more sense to me. Life doesn’t want us either, it truly wants to escape the confinement of our physical being and return to the natural state of randomness.
Perhaps tomorrow I will be less morbid.
Later!
posted by webegeeks | 9:57 PM
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